On death and its lessons...

We lost our Tito just this morning (1130am). I got this news from my dad who called me at 230pm in the afternoon of April 24. Cause of death was cerebral hemorrhage. Tito Cesar is the brother of my dad who had been battling with drug addiction ever since he got together with the wrong people during his early 20's. That's it. He just passed just like that. It was a total surprise. My lola was there to witness it all and I know how hard it was for her to realize that her son was not just sleeping, but gone...

I cried immediately when I heard the news. I immediately asked myself if I had been good to him enough and if I had been respectful enough towards him. I think I have not done enough since whenever I see him, I always struggled in choosing to see the drug addict or the person behind the addiction. I must admit that most of the time I saw the drug addict thus limiting me to see more than whats obvious.

Now I know I should have just seen him as my Tito Cesar - the person who doesnt stop making people laugh, the person who yearns to be with his family that doesnt want him anymore, the person who gave up on having a better life, the person who felt he needed a way to escape the world that seemed to hate him, the person who have gone to various places in the world because of his talent, the father who yearns to be loved by his children and the husband who yearns to be forgiven.

He may have been an addict but with that he remained with great humility, cheerfulness and helpfulness. Three great traits to have in living this life that sometimes we lack.

What pains me the most was to hear my cousin say that he never got his wish before he died and that was to be with his five children and his three grandchildren in our province just to make up for the years they were apart. She wanted to make this possible but it lacked cooperation from all parties.

With this experience comes two big lessons for me:

1) Thou shall not judge. - I say we have our own addictions and it can come in any form (emotional, psychological etc). You are not perfect even if you believe you are. As it was taught, "let those who have not sinned cast the first stone" (I just hope I'm relaying a nearly accurate text here from the bible)

2) Never give up loving your family and friends. - I dont know with your families but my family have drifted apart because of so many reasons but more often because of pride that really eats up your heart and make it as hard as stone. Whatever happens, its really better to keep on loving and forgiving.

I will try to live by these two big lessons everyday and hope I will never forget.

Finally, I pray that my Tito Cesar rests in peace together with my Tito Frankie and Lolo Perning. And Tito Cesar, thank you for letting us grow up with laughter...