Mommyhood

The anticipation - Monday, May 8, 2006
We were told to check in at the hospital at 1130 pm last Monday. I was given a tablet to start the contractions. We were still optimistic that I can have a normal delivery. It took a while for us to fall asleep. Me and my husband take deep breaths as we talk about what awaits us the next morning

The pain – Tuesday, May 9, 2006
Initially, my body did not respond to the tablet I was given. I did not get any contractions or pain in the morning. But soon after my doctor burst my water bag - - whew! Masakit pala ang contractions. Then I asked for the epidural to be given when the pain got unbearable – asus! Masakit din ang injection noh! Naiyak nalang akong parang sanggol sa sakit talaga. Then after 9 hours and no big progress in getting dilated plus the fact that Kirby’s heartbeat was dropping during contractions - we had to make the decision that made me cry again. Emergency CS na. I cried cause I was scared. Never pa akong inoperahan sa buong buhay ko! Never went under a knife.

In awe – Still May 9, 5:27 pm
Going through the hallways towards the operating theatre (as they call operating rooms here), it felt like a ‘Scrubs’ or ‘ER’ TV moment were all you can see is the ceiling of the hall and its lights. As soon as the operation began, I tried to relax myself from singing ‘Always be my baby’. I also had extra-confidence/support since my husband has been with me the whole time. Then when I first heard my son’s cry I heard the doctor and my husband say ‘oohhhh how cute’, then he was put on top of my chest (but I couldn’t move much) and I saw him look at me. I felt so amazed that he came from inside of me; that the child that we used to talk to inside my tummy now exists in the world for real.

The joy
Kakaiba talaga. Mahirap ipaliwanag ang saya. An outpour of love came out naturally…

The blues
We had to leave him at the hospital for a day before we could bring him home. He had to undergo photo treatment for jaundice. Mahirap mawalay kahit isang araw lang. Tapos, the first two days was also tough since I felt really inept of taking care of Kirby. I also couldn’t move too much because of my wound from CS and the pain. So I believe I felt some post-natal depression.

The survivor
I prayed so hard that I will feel better and God answered my prayers so quickly through my husband and my mom. I also felt something inside of me being lifted up. With that I’m really thankful. Very soon I was not crying anymore because of depression but of gratitude because of the wonderful blessing of a child.

The miracle
So many miracles happened throughout the birth of our child. My baby being safe from the cord around his neck to being cured of depression… and I know miracles would continue to happen everyday, it is only just the beginning.